"URBAN LOOKS FOR PAYBACK AGAINST UGA" (THREE MONTHS FROM NOW, BUT WE'RE ALL DEMONSTRABLY RUNNING OUT OF MATERIAL)

Dear readers, imagine the carnage in a world where the gentlemen of Fire Joe Morgan had a subscription to the AJC. Georgia's See & Say of journalism helpfully provides a sidebar blurb reading, "What's on this page ? The entry titled "Urban looks for payback against UGA," and any of the comments about it".

Furman Bisher says, "Baaa."

Hand-holding for the columnist or the readership? Decide for yourselves. Today, Mark Bradley, paid sports journalist, in the space of about 200 words, resorts to the following:

1. "Crocodile tears from a Gator." OMG URBAN MEYER HAS A POINTY SNOUT NOT A ROUNDED ONE THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HE'S NOT A CROCODILE!!!1

2. Making the "Urban Crier" joke, acknowledged in the SAME SENTENCE to have originated in 2005.

3. Pointing out that Urban Meyer was named for a pope. In case you haven't heard. Once or twice. A year. For as long as he's been coaching. Bradley's thoughts on the Council of Piacenza were not made available.

It's message-board saber-rattling at its most pedestrian, and its author was paid to act awfully petulant for a presumed fan of the very team that's presumed by many to have the upper hand in the SEC East this fall. Swindle retorts, in verse:

Circuit boards and LEDs,
The innards of a Gobot
Bland quotes and zero aim to please,
Urban Meyer is a robot.

But scrolling down to the nearly 400 comments below reveals that, loathe it though we may (AND WE DO), the AJC is the paper we deserve:

By steve
July 24, 2008 9:07 AM
I heard Urban is not circumsized maybe teeblow can help him out!!!

By Bill
July 24, 2008 9:23 AM
ACC? They play football in the ACC?

By Nick
July 24, 2008 9:41 AM
Mark. You are a douche. A homer and a douche.
Homer + douche = you

By warhorse
July 24, 2008 10:22 AM
Mark Richt, on the other hand, is just like Jimmy Swaggart, except he does not have the enjoyment of sex, alchohol, and an actual personality.

By Jim Donnan
July 24, 2008 11:39 AM
FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE! FRESNO STATE!

They're a broken caps lock key away from Lord of the Flies or FanHouse (hard to say which) in there. UTEP at Buffalo can't get here fast enough.