clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

EASTERN KENTUCKY PLAYER STEALS, IS, DOUCHEBAG

New, 36 comments
Inside the bag: charger, spray, and this.

The Eastern Kentucky football player whose flight from a Wal-Mart ended up tearing the tip off a sixty-seven year old woman's thumb had his reasons for leaving the scene quickly. Not only was he stealing, but Davin Walker had another secret: he was in possession of cleansing products for his lady's spiritual ladyflower, clearly something embarrassing enough to risk breaking the law over.

Walker dropped his backpack on the way out of the Wal-Mart, presumably in between allegedly shoplifting and inadvertently ripping the thumb off an old lady. Inside said backpack:

The backpack contained a cell phone battery charger, a box of douches and a bottle of feminine hygiene spray, Adkins said.

The real victim here? Walker's girlfriend. Florence King wrote in an essay once about the virtues of dating a redneck. The redneck, while perusing the aisles of a grocery store, saw floral-scented douches lined up in row on the shelf and asked in a booming voice to no one in particular, "What's wrong with pussy, dammit?"

Here here, Earl. An acceptance of well-maintained but au naturel hoo-ha could very well have saved the thumb tips of countless old ladies around the Wal-Marted exurbs of this fine nation of ours, or at the least would have saved Davin Walker from assault and shoplifting charges. Until then, the makers of FDS, Femaspray, and "Gee, Your Twat Smells Great!" will continue to reap profit from the quiet tyranny of vaginophobia.

(HT: Alan.)