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CAL TREESITTERS ILLUSTRATE WHY EWOKS WERE LOUSY NEIGHBORS

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Filthy creatures.

The clock is running out on tree-sitting protesters in Berkeley: today is the deadline for a lawsuit filed to keep the University from building a training facility on a wooded site adjacent to Cal's football stadium, a minor, patchouli-scented drama extending back to last last fall when the facility was proposed and the last fifty-three hippies on the planet climbed into the trees to protest their proposed removal.

The issue at stake in the lawsuit (the actual, relevant, and legal part of this whole endeavor, not the poorly groomed jobless people in trees) is the construction of the training facility on a fault line, a minor detail since a.) the entire state of California sits on a fault line that could be opened wide with a single nuclear weapon (Superman can't be wrong), and b.) Cal's stadium that it fills with people several Saturdays a year is already on said fault line.

The deadline to settle the lawsuit expires today, meaning Cal can forge ahead with construction as soon as they remove the protesters from the trees, which they received permission to do back in October anyway. The tree-sitters confirmed our suspicions that the Ewoks must have been asshole upstairs neighbors when one, while being removed by arborists from the site, threw urine on the crew working on the site before biting one of them, as well.

Proving another point: throwing urine remains a universally ineffective rhetorical device. Now, urinating on someone? Totally different, and somewhat effective in limited cases, if countless Calvin window decals are to be believed.