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Win forever, man. Scott Wolf may have the definitive story explaining why Pete Carroll will never leave USC: in an interview with the Redskins in January, Carroll requested an $8 million salary.

Kenneth Page, also winning forever. Clemson commit Kenneth Page--or at least everyone says that's Kenneth Page--would like you, dear reader, to picture him rollin', as he posted this pic of himself on his MySpace page and then very promptly removed it:

Ladies, I am both virile and blessed with cash, and other men I refer to as "haterz" cannot sleep at night thinking of my wealth and influence.

Brahsome has more details, but we're sure that this can all be explained. We didn't say the explanation would be pretty, but we're sure there is one.

Jimmy Clausen has bulked up over the offseason in hope of weathering hits this year. Unfortunately, there are no biceps, triceps, cloits, or dloits on your skull.

Damn you, robot overlords. Urban Meyer, neo-Luddite but also a text-messaging fiend, complains about team chemistry in the iPod generation:

"Throw your iPod on, come in [to the locker room] bopping your head. Put on your equipment, go out to practice," Meyer said. "Come in and throw on your iPod, punching your cell phone, text people and leave. How are you going to develop any chemistry on the team?

"You see it every day. Just go walk on campus. You see these white things stuck in peoples' ears, and that means, 'I don't have to talk to you.' "

But coach: how else are they going to talk to you? You wooed them this way, and now you're complaining about it, which has us ROTFLOAO, OMG!!!111 We'd love to talk about it, but we've got some twittering to do real fast here, and a TF2 squad practice on XBox Live in 30. TTYL.