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Play the theme song, of course.

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Nebraska junior linebacker Nick Covey received a ticket for underage possession of alcohol at a scene recognizable to anyone who's ever hosted an open party one expects say, oh, thirty people to show up for:

Officer Katie Flood said when police arrived to that party, the music could be heard from the sidewalk and more than 75 people were inside. Empty beer cans littered the home.

Ah, yes. Covey receives one point, added to the Huskers' tally in the Fulmer Cup. The only other player involved in the incident that we know who isn't already draft-entered and leaving Nebraska is Mike Smith, who received the finest charge we've seen in a while:

Smith was accused of maintaining a disorderly house, and Purify and Martin of being inmates of a disorderly house.

We've been looking for some way to describe our view of existence for a long time. O, the irony of finding the right words at last writ in the prosaic civil codes of Nebraska! Oh, and two more points for Nebraska.

My, that got out of hand quickly. And where did the boat come from?