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RANDY SHANNON WAS FAT?

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While you're busy trying to recoup your money from your numerous investment deals with sports talk radio hosts...

In case you need further proof sports journalism may be done by anyone, the SportsKids interview with Randy Shannon is just as revealing as any interview we've read with a coach since the infamous greatness of Michael Lewis' New York Times Magazine piece on Mike Leach. Did you know Randy Shannon was a fat kid? Or that his favorite soda was grape Nehi, and that his favorite cartoon is the Justice League? No, you didn't.

We are not joking: this is a cunning tactic. Take a hard-bitten stoic type like Shannon and send in cute kids in ties to disarm him We kept waiting throughout the clip for the earpiece to fall out, for Kirk Herbstreit to fall out of the closet where he'd been feeding questions to the kids through an earpiece, but nope: it's just them, and their questions don't actually seem any less substantive than anything we've ever seen on a Gameday interview.

Now, if we can just find the perfect keys for the lock to undo Urban Meyer's tightly wound soul: Jimmy Buffett? A man in a penguin suit with an automatic rifle over one, er...flipper? A naked but casual Marion Cotillard? (Judging from internet research, she may be naked RIGHT NOW ON CAMERA.)