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AUBURN ALREADY PRACTICING, THROWING FOOTBALLS LIKE CANDY

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Violently emotional: Muschamp.

If you're starved beyond belief and ready to seize without football, you could head down to Auburn and catch spring practice. (What? Opelika's got an airport. Resisting cow joke telling urge resisting cow joke telling urge.) Auburn's working in both new offensive coordinator Tony Franklin and defensive coordinator Paul Rhoads. Today's shocking revelation: Rhoads is different than Muschamp.

"I can already tell he's going to be a great teacher," Powers said. "If you screw up with Rhoads, he's going to let you know just like Muschamp. Muschamp might have let you know a little more violently. Just comparing the two, they are great teachers and great coaches. They are passionate about football."

Violence: exactly what we look for in our defensive coordinators, masseuses, and gardeners. Auburn's qb are throwing way, way more passes in practice than they had under Al "Gorgeous" Borges, up to hundreds of passes a game, according to practice reports. Pat Dye, on hearing the news, wept big fat old man tears.

Meanwhile: Texas is ideating like WHOA with new blood Muschamp and Applewhite.