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Roll Bama Roll responds to Brian Cook's slam of Alabama's 4732 scholarship class this year. Many insults are paid to Brian's hair, but as someone with an NHL-worthy playoff beard right now, we can't say shit other than Brian is oversimplifying the case a bit (Alabama skoolz, represent!), but he's not totally wrong here.

We can't really talk.

And no, that's no faux-hawk. Our hair just does that. When it's long, it looks like Doc Brown in his younger days.

TAMU mascot Reveille VII is retiring, leaving her duties as Aggie mascot to enjoy the glorious life of a retired dog, licking her privates, sleeping, eating, crapping, and occasionally asking to be stroked. In other words, pretty much the life you'd want to lead, all things being equal.

Reveille traveled over 10,000 miles a year around Texas for alumni functions last year. Meaning she got out more than you did, most likely. But you didn't do it on a leash, so be proud of that.

SMQ explains the influence of death on the college football rulebook. Also includes the megafunky but legal trick formation LSU used to baffle LSU tOSU for a cheap and easy TD in the BCS title game.

DevilGrad tells us to look to UVA to enter the Fulmer Cup sooner rather than later. Why? Bobby Pruett, former Marshall head coach, is unretiring to join the Cavaliers' staff as defensive coordinator.

Finally, if you bury us in this, we vow to come screaming out of hell and kill you with a rocket launcher that shoots rabid wolverines from it.