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FULMER CUPDATE: GIVING YOUR ROOMIE A BOTTLE.

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The Cincinnati Bearcats enter the Fulmer Cup by answering a question as old as the internet itself: can you break a bottle over someone's head? And as the internet told us, lo so many years ago as we watched a flickery, jerky image over a dial-up line in a dorm, yes, Virginia, you can break a bottle over someone's head. In fact, you can do it yourself, Johnny Methbelt.

We've used that video before, but it's timeless, really. The bit where someone points and says, "Now that's some redneck right there" should be recorded and placed in the Smithsonian. History needs not to forget accomplishments like that. Canfield's incident remains mired in mystery, but let's hope it was as colorful as the autobottling scene above.

UC offensive lineman Trevor Canfield, from Western Hills High School, was charged with felonious assault.

Canfield is accused of hitting Erik Monsen in the head with a glass bottle. UC coach Brian Kelly has suspended Canfield pending completion of the legal process and will have no further comment.

We've heard that Monsen, the bottle-ee, is the roommate of Canfield, and that Canfield did this not in the club, but in his room during an argument with his roommate after a night of festivity. If true, he might get the Dwayne Schintzius Award for Outstanding Roomie of the Year. 1990 Florida basketball reference what!