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He wants to take him to a gay bar. For some reason, Pete Carroll is allegedly going to talk to Arthur Blank about the Falcons job this coming Wednesday, perhaps out of pure courtesy, perhaps because for some reason he wants to leave college football heaven and unparalleled success for the shitheap of the Atlanta Falcons. And the reason he would want to do that is unfathomable, unless somewhere in Pete Carroll's defensive brain lurks a glowing, undying shred of moron. Or perhaps Arthur Blank simply wants to take him to a gay bar, and has something to put into Carroll--like the spiked butt plug of two 4 win seasons before a flaming return to the college game or a turn in the broadcast booth.

We really just wanted to shoehorn the song "Gay Bar" into the blog this morning. It's so damn perky. Anyway, watch for SEC fans to chant "S-E-C! S-E-C!" if this does somehow transpire under the mistaken impression that the Falcons are, in fact, the Sunday post-game practice sessions of the Georgia Bulldogs. (Scratch that--UGA might have won five games in the NFL this season.)

A booster offered the Washington AD $100K to fire Ty Willingham. We wish we could have done this, but thirty seven dollars and some serious Delta Skymiles were all we had to offer to get [NAME REDACTED] fired in 2003.

John L. Smith is interested in the Hawaii job, and thinks he'd be just a peachy fit.

"With 18 years of collegiate head coaching experience and over 130 wins, I would hope that would qualify me as a candidate to be the next head coach at the University of Hawaii," Smith said in a telephone interview from his home in Louisville.

He missed the obvious opportunity to send them promotional t-shirts that read "John L. Smith: Coaching So Good You'll Slap Yourself."

Wanna slap mah-self! HEH!

Stan Drayton will be the next running backs coach at Tennessee, thanks to the fact that at his previous job in Florida, the job of running backs coach didn't involve coaching anyone who played in the offense.

Drayton also noted that one of the factors in his decision to leave Florida dealt with the limited role of the running back in Meyer's spread option offense.

"If you're going to be a running backs coach, you want to be part of a system that involves the running back," Drayton said.

It's difficult to argue against the move. Florida will also have a second open slot on the coaching staff as Doc Holliday takes his tubercular recruiting genius back home to West Virginia to become the defensive coordinator for Bill Stewart's new staff. As nice as it was to have Holliday on staff at Florida, losing him to West Virginia was only a matter of time: he spent 20 years on Don Nehlen's staff in Morgantown and is a native of the state.

ATMs gave Kansas no respect in the Orange Bowl, according to Bully for Old Mizzourah.