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FIRST SHIFT: AWESOME KILLER HELICOPTER BOWL, ETC.

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Nursing a lingering hangover from the Independence Bowl, we present today's liveblog, brought to you by LSUFreek's very important message on the importance of proper safety procedures while blogging.

12:28: AAAIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHH Dan Fouts in HD not good! Your set memes are Cal attempting to overcome a peanut-loaded sewer trout of a season, redemption, suspensions of players; Air Force to keep momentum from "surprisingly good" season.

And they have smooth luvah Jason Kidd introducing the Cal players! Don't kill mommy, Cal! Please!

12:50: Air Force has a goddamn general introduce the lineups while flying a goddamn awesome F-18. The only thing cooler would be if he fired a missile into a T-54 at the end that was painted in Cal colors.

We credit this for Air Force's dominating first drive.

1:10: Cal looks like they were playing along last night during the Independence Bowl Drinking game. They're playing rock paper scissors and losing badly.

1:19: Cal looks like they've been replaced with the NPCs from a poorly rendered video game: the sort who stand around and wait for you to fire a rocket launcher into their balls in between repeating canned dialogue like "What was that?" and "I'm scared!"

Air Force 21, Cal 0. Wizard!

1:42: Kevin Riley comes in, and suddenly you can spell fecal without Cal. Where the hell has Riley been? Dan Fouts is singing "Centerfield," one of the songs they play in our version of Robot Hell along with "Hotel California" and "Butterfly Kisses." Stop, Hairface. Please stop. 21-14 and Cal's awake.

2:12: Subtract Chan Gailey from the equation, and Tech's allergy to points disappears! Up 7-0 thanks to beautiful pass by Taylor Bennett and yes we just typed that. Boise's commercials look awesome, btw: all rock climbing, mountain biking, and various activities you really loved to do when you had free time and knees.

2:35: The Sun Bowl in El Paso really has the best setting: a cross between a desolate Halo map and Thunderdome. Oregon's got early jazz here as they refuse to let USF's offense do anything. They're also giving Justin Roeper simple tasks at qb, and he's doing splendidly thus far.

2:53: Air Force went to Les Miles' Balls Emporium before the game, converting fourth down on an option play to keep catchfire Cal off the field. Chad Hall is 5' 8" of pure badass: he catches, he runs, he flies jets fifty feet off the ground. We need to walk to the liquor store--champagne must go with this campaign.

Ooohhhh...Carney's knee just bent in an unholy, gorge-rise kind of way. He's done for the day, year, whatever. Dan Fouts is telling us not to look and we're still looking because we're evil like that.

Goddamn, that is horrible.