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ANTHONY MORELLI WILL GO TALK TO THE WHALES NOW

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Penn State senior qb Anthony Morelli has not spoken with the media in 46 days, presumably because the lights distract him and he just starts throwing objects from his locker randomly at reporters in response. (As none of them have hit there intended targets, you've heard nothing of the incidents to this point.) The much-maligned Penn State senior has dodged the media in favor of discussing his problems with those who would understand best: marine mammals in big jars.

Coach Joe Paterno is not scheduled to meet with reporters again until tomorrow. Offensive coordinator Galen Hall was left to answer why the starting quarterback, on the eve of his final collegiate game, was not made available to the press.

"I don't have any clue," Hall said.

Team spokesman Jeff Nelson said Morelli had told him he planned to attend earlier yesterday, then backed out without reason. Instead, Morelli visited Sea World with other teammates.

"He wanted to feed the fish," guard Rich Ohrnberger quipped.

Ohrnberger is presumably not a bio major, so we'll forgive the slight against the largely mammalian cast of Sea World. We think the story's a dodge, since if Morelli were intent on feeding the fish at Sea World, he'd have to be able to throw fish in a barrel. Hey! Inaccuracy jokes! Seriously, it must suck degrees of suck only measurable on the Matchbox 20 album scale to be Anthony Morelli, especially when reporters are pulling out the "one last chance to impress NFL scouts" line on you. Nevertheless. his elusiveness off-the-field is shocking, especially given the 20 sacks he's taken this year on the field.