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SORRY, CHARLIE

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Breaking news out of South Bend today: There is still no interest from anyone in squiring Charlie Weis away from Notre Dame. Since their season concluded, Weis' agent, Bob Lamonte is trying, desperately, to drum up interest in Charlie Chalupa but has had no luck. In fact, his calls have become legendary among athletic directors from Ann Arbor to Los Angeles. When Bob calls on behalf of Charlie, AD's are ducking the calls like they owe him money.

There is a dark underbelly to this coaching tilt-a-whirl. That ugly underbelly has a face, and that face is property of Charlie Weis. You hear all about the success stories like Houston Nutt parlaying mediocrity into fortune and Paul Johnson getting paid, but what about the man no one wanted? What of the doughboy in the hoodie? What will become of him?

Lamonte denies he's trying to get an extension for Weis, who's already signed well beyond his life expectancy at Notre Dame. Lamonte claims his private calls with friends are not the business of the media. The media reminds Mr. Lamonte that agents don't have friends. When we contacted athletic directors around the country, we were shocked at our results. Even discomfited Arkansas AD, Jeff Long, laughed when asked if he'd be interested in Weis.

Of the 118 Division I AD's we contacted, only one (1) showed interest in Weis. Duke said, "Absolutely! We'd be happy to have Mr. Weis. He's the most high profile morbidly obese coach in college sports right now. He's the perfect candidate for us!" [when fact checking Jebus' post we found he hadn't contacted the Duke athletic department, but rather Duke's world-renowned Fat Camp -- Camp Rotund & Moribund.--ed. ]

When reached for comment, Charlie Cacciatore replied, "Syrup... I need more syrup on my eggs."