`I'm not looking to go anywhere.''
--Tommy Tuberville on Tiger Talk this past Thursday.
Multiple sources tell KNWA that Tommy Tuberville willl be Arkansas' next head football coach.
--Matt Turner, NWA.com, Thursday.
Tommy Tuberville may have just completed the long-delayed departure he began back in 2003 when he survived Bobby Lawder's attempt to depose him and bring in Bobby Petrino behind his back: Arkansas media types are reporting that Tuberville has agreed to be the next head coach at Arkansas, a story we're not really sure we believe at this point.
Thanks to Kevin for encoding the video for the public football interest. He's cool like that.
The early signs came with the story that Tuberville was not present at a scheduled meeting with Auburn AD Jay Jacobs earlier this week; then the additive snowballing of rumors and continued radio silence on the part of both Tuberville and Auburn officialdom made things even more suspicious for the paranoid types who, being broken clocks twice a day, really thought this might happen.
The quick, hastily scanned impact of this IF TRUE ALL SHAKY RUMOR AT THIS POINT HOLD OFF ON FACTINESS:
--Tuberville inherits a roster full of manageable talent to work with at Arkansas. Being a CEO kind of guy, the staff Tuberville assembles will matter immensely, and with his current DC Will Muschamp being considered for head jobs, he's gonna need a bright young defensive mind at the least if offensive coordinator Al Borges follows him.
--Auburn, like the guy who never deletes a single lady's phone number from his cell phone, will likely booty call the coach they got caught engaging in a backdoor case of coitus interruptus with in 2003: Bobby Petrino. Alabama may soon have two extremely overpaid coaches, especially given the increasingly hopeless situation at qb in Atlanta. Hopeless, in case you didn't know, is spelled H-A-R-R-I-N-G-T-O-N. Or L-E-F-T-W-I-C-H. Or you could just say "It's a Somalia, man," and watch everyone nod knowingly. The effect is the same all around.
--If Petrino is as unbudgeable (and with the demonstrated tolerance of being mediocre as a college coach after being a superb college HC being a two years, see Spurrier and Saban) as we suspect he might be, then Auburn's stuck in the nasty position of hunting retreads in a job market with Michigan and Nebraska still prowling. That's an ugly proposition, though Auburn could certainly outbid almost any other program around. The only issue is how many bananas are left on the shelf when they get around to actually shopping for replacement.
--We'll say it again: LEACH. LEACH. LEACH. Just because we want him in the SEC so, sooooooooo bad. Hire Orgeron as your line coach and head of recruiting and you'll hear us purring for miles.
--Paul was right, Paul was right, Paul was right. Never underestimate the power of Wal-Mart. The Chinese People's Liberation Army bought Tuberville through the wallet of the Walton family if Tuberville did come through, and Paul Westerdawg was righter than Ron Paul on this.
--In state, this gives Nick Saban a bit of breathing room in terms of competitive advantage. He'll have a running head start on recruiting that will be impossible to make up this year, especially with Tuberville raiding south the instant he hits the door in Fayetteville.
--More later, because this is the SEC, where we've figured out what to do with the other eight months of the year not involving actual football games: a little exercise we like to call Scandalicise! Feel the burn, Auburn fans!