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MAN SEES SIGNS OF FADED FOOTBALL HOPES EVERYWHERE HE LOOKS

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Lincoln, NE--(AP) Local man Neil Shurbock sees signs of faded football hopes everywhere he looks, according to friends and neighbors who have become concerned over his overall well-being during Nebraska's increasingly disappointing 2007 season.

Friends are concerned.

"Everything reminds him of how good the Huskers were supposed to be," says girlfriend Tracy Bowles, 28, of Lincoln. "He sees a kite crash to ground in the park, and it's a Sam Keller pass crashing to the ground. He spills a glass of water, and it's our defense not grabbing a pick. It's really straining our relationship."

Bowles said the behavior dates back to the Frank Solich era, but has become exaggerated and even more demonstrative with the now-finished Bill Callahan era.

"We're playing Call of Duty the other night, and all of a sudden he just flips out and starts throwing grenades everywhere screaming, 'I'M JOE DAILEY, I'M JOE DAILEY!!!' Dailey hasn't even played for us in two years, man," says friend Tim Smalley, who's known Shurbock since "the Tom Osborne era." Smalley says he's concerned for his friend's well-being, and fears the new coaching search might tip him over the edge. "He totally killed our whole campaign."

Even the mention of Husker favorite Bo Pelini does not seem to calm Shurbock in his perpetual state of anxiety.

"He starts screaming about Brad Smith every time Pelini's name comes up. '246 yards rushing! 246!' He's like some demented parrot at this point."

The stress has started to affect even the most private of moments in Shurbock's life.

"We were having sex the other night, and I decided to let Brad finish...um...al fresco, shall we say," said girlfriend Bowles, who has sex with Shurbock three times a week on average in a normal week but gets no intimacy for two weeks following a Nebraska loss.

"He was...finishing, and then just burst into tears in the middle of it. I asked him what was wrong, and he said it was just like Todd Reesing spraying the ball all over the field against the 'Huskers earlier this year. "

Bowles' eyes gleamed with tears momentarily, and she composed herself. "I'm thinking of leaving him. I'll have to tell him in football terms for him to understand, like 'I'm firing you just like Frank Solich got fired.' He'll understand that, right? Right?"

Shurbock had no comment on this story, saying he was awaiting the outcome of the coaching search before resuming "the rest of my shitty, lose-to-Kansas like we're...we're...FREAKING KANSAS, for- God's-sake life."