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QUALITY PAC-10 RIVALRY TAUNTIN'

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The post above is not in error: no weekend features a lower pH in the Pac-10 than this rivalry weekend, where tempers simmer and boil over to nearly angry levels between teams. It's...it's almost acrimonious, we dare say!

(This isn't a slap at the Pac-10--it's mostly a good thing you don't get so upset you actually shoot your brother and kill him over a football game, which did happen once in Gainesville following a Tennessee/Florida football game. Note that we said "mostly" a good thing.)

First, the Apple Cup opens with the first salvo coming courtesy of married father/ Washington defensive tackle Jordan Reffett, who responded thusly when asked what would happen if one of his kids went to Washington State:

"That wouldn't be allowed ... None of my kids--and I plan on having more--are going to be at WSU, because I want them to be able to get a job someday."

I like the "I plan on having more." This is an indicator of a very recently married man; a more experienced one would have said "WE plan on having more," and only with the explicit permission of his nodding and smiling wife. They're always counting, Jordan, never sleeping, always keeping score, look at the baby, look at the baby, smile, always keeping score, Jordan. With that diction, you're out rutting with whatever in-season trollop flashes her bump-hams at you. This will surely cost you at least five minutes of conversation and energy you could have spent on something valuable, like video games, pornography, or your 15th viewing of the film Blow.

The next one is a bit more visual, but immediate. Courtesy of the always fantastic Wizard of Odds: the Bellotti Potti.

The idea of Donald Duck's eyes barely peeping through a brown-green pool of human refuse as we enter the port-o-potty has now replaced Pennywise peeping through the sewer grate as our nightmare fuel for the ages.