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CURIOUS INDEX, 10/16/07

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Your jubilation will cost you exactly $50,000. Kentucky is fined fifty grand for allowing students onto the field Saturday after their historic victory over number one ranked LSU. We're thinking the Kentucky athletic department wrote the check happily. If Kentucky doesn't want people on the field, though, Florida's got a great model for keeping fans off the field: a zillion baton-wielding cops lining the field and K-9 units turned loose on daring runners. The beating sucks, but it's the dog attempting to rip your flesh off that really puts the spice into the affair.

Houston Nutt believes in 2012. Flying cars! Beer cans that walk into your hands on robot legs! Fishin' poles what magnetize fish and pull them into your boat! Oh, and another science fiction fantasy: Houston Nutt thinks his contract goes to 2012.

" The contract they’ve given me, it’s real clear. It says 2012," Nutt continued. "It doesn’t say you’re gone 2007, 2008. It says 2012."

You know! 2012! When President Cougar Mellencamp changes the national anthem to "THIS IS OUURRRRRR COUNTRY!!!" and the Razorbacks are coming off their fourth national title in a row running yon Wildcat formation! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I have given you something quotable, please replicate it in the nation's largest newspaper. Linebacker Tyrone McKenzie of South Florida has a very simple answer for why Ray Rice ran for 202 yards and two tds against the Bulls last year.

When McKenzie was reminded of that, he said matter-of-factly, "I wasn’t here last year."

The quote comes from a NYT article detailing USF's Galahadesque rise into the heavens from trailer-bound beginnings...when the program actually did get its start in a trailer. Meaning USF is either the Hillary Swank of programs, or if they collapse over the next five years, the Britney Spears.

Keep your hands off their Johnson. Navy fans remain clear on this point: no matter who you may want to hire for the Nebraska head coaching job, keep your hands off their Johnson.

Pacific Islanders greet each other with thunderous hits. If you are a football fan, your most frequent exposure to any and all Polynesian culture is in the form of muscular men with long names and flowing, Troy Polamalu manes delivering murderous hits. Watch enough football, and you're no doubt convinced that the teeth-shattering tackle is not a football move, but rather a greeting in Samoa, Hawaii, and other palm-tree-littered environs.

Point being: Nai Fotu of Utah is doing nothing to dispel this misconception on our part.

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