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Tonight we'll be signing copies of The ESPN Guide To Psycho Fan Behavior with Warren St. John at the Barnes and Noble in Buckhead located at 2900 Peachtree Road NE. We promise one of the three: nudity, flames, and book signing. That's batting .333, and in baseball it'll make you a legend.

Warren's never actually met us, so he'll be signing books at a table separated from us by a plexiglass, bulletproof shield. Oh, and we'll be muzzled and cannot look at or address Warren. We mean, er, Mr. St. John.

But that's what you do when you start out in this business, right? If 20 people show, we'll be shocked, so attempt to shock us without dirtying a finger by doing just that: showing up. We'll be going to Kramer's afterwards, a bar described as "not like being in Buckhead" despite being in Buckhead. We only know that the owner has been known to power bomb his patrons, and that's enough to pique our curiosity.

And while you're at it, have another free sample of the book that is, without a doubt, the best way to satisfy the requirement for a holiday gift without actually considering what a male relative likes. He's breathing? Likes sports? He'll love a book designed to be enjoyed on the groan throne. We've road-tested these pieces ourselves, and can tell you with all confidence that even with Indian food splattershots, pot roast slow-sliders, and the ever-daunting "Shitting a sea urchin you ate on a dare," there's nary a bowel movement that can't be complemented with a piece from the ESPN Guide to Psycho Fan Behavior.

See you there, or at Kramer's, or if you don't attend, at the bus stop...when you least expect it.