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We be needin' your security badge, matey.

Preparr for ye keelhaulin, matey. After Texas Tech's team collapse versus previously toothless Oklahoma State (Sooner fans, make your own associations with that one,) someone on Texas Tech's staff had to walk the plank, and arrr, it was defensive coordinator Lyle Setencich. Oklahoma State had three players go for over 100 yards against the Red Raiders, who've struggled to find a second mate to shore up the splintery and cannon-heavy planks of the S.S. Leach for much o' the dread captain's career there.

Under the bow with ye, Setencich! Bid good-morrow to the barnacles with ye back whilst you're down there!

Hugh Laurie will soon be wearing green and gold. It's good to see Jim Leavitt's long climb through the salt mines of program-building pay off in both a victory against UNC, an 18 spot in the national polls, and in one of Britain's most respected gay thespians becoming their number one tailgater. Sometimes it rains hams and titties all at once, doesn't it? If we can just get Hugh Laurie to wear a Matt Grothe jersey on House now, we can get Peter King on this bandwagon, too--and when that happens, hot lovin' can't be too far behind.

USF also broke out the wishbone on the goal line, earning retro-football boner points with us. We will officially fall even harder for the first team with the balls to go out there with special, facemask-free helmets with the formation. (Phil Knight! Merchandising opportunity! Dennis Dixon will love it, since he can't feel his face most of the time anyway, we guess!)

Smelley Cock is the most luxurious. This bad Chinese menu translation brought to you by Matsumura Fishworks and the Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern of Japan and South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier, who likely all but ends the Blake Mitchell era by ceasing the dancin, dancin and announcing that Chris Smelley will be the new starter.

Oh, and LSU makes a nifty fake in this clip from their 28-16 win over the Cocks. Steve Spurrier's face is a richly nuanced mix of envy, anger, and amusement. Les Miles' face says "YAYYYY TAFFY!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE TAFFY!!!"

Misery loves company. So we welcome Jon Wilner to the ranks of people who have difficulty remembering that their 4th ranked team lost, and probably needs to be moved down a sconce or two in the rankings, which is precisely what Wilner did. Just wait 'til Wednesday morning when we go Beano cook and rank Army, Notre Dame, and the Mexican Imperial Football Team of His Eminence Maximillian of Mexico in our top 25.

Las Cronicas de Boss Hawg, cont'd. Michael Smith, Arkansas running back, fumbled late in the Kentucky game and helped the Wildcats take Houston Nutt's rhinestone-covered boot off their throat on the way to a 42-29 comeback victory. He was then arrested on Sunday on suspicion of using a stolen credit card. Houston Nutt's comment on the situation was that he was "disappointed." Lot of that going around in Arkansas in September, eh?

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