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TEXAS PLAYER: "I WHOOPED THEM LAWYAZ."

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The Fulmer Cup remains an offseason venture only, which is too bad for the Texas Longhorns, who would be rolling in points following a purple drank-related arrest the other night and the fresher arrest of James Henry, who attempted to give snitchez stichez in retaliation for being implicated in a robbery.

Sometimes you just plate it up and go, fancy orchids carved from radishes and elaborate ramps be damned. (Gordon Ramsey says: WE'RE KILLING THE PRESENTATION PEOPLE I WILL RAPE YOU WITH A RHUBARB, PEOPLE!)

From the Statesman:

Police say that Joseph called Henry the next day from jail, and their conversation was recorded. In that call, police say, Henry told Joseph that he’d gone to the scene of the robbery and confronted witnesses. "I went over there and whooped all them niggas last night, fool," Henry is quoted as saying in the recording, according to the arrest affidavit.

When police interviewed Henry and confronted him about the conversation, he admitted that he’d confronted the victims and gotten into a fight with them, the affidavit says.

The victims told police that Henry had come up to them and asked, "Who narked on us?"

They said that Henry tried to get into a fight with one of the men, 18-year-old Andre Swain, and told him, "Bitches deserve to get kicked, so that’s what I am going to do!" The witnesses said that Henry then kicked Swain six or seven times in the head and punched him repeatedly.

We don't think the Longhorns need to replace anyone on defense, even with their recent problems. Looks like they're doing just fine on pursuit, angles, and motivation. Texas defense! Bitches deserve to get kicked!