Call it the belated correction edition. Explanations, corrections, and outright apologies follow. HT as always to Brian, who is hung like Reggie Fuckin' Nelson.
Illinois' amazing comeback. Penn State looked so close to edging Illinois on a silly alcohol citation before five out of seven charges were dropped in the case against Anthony Scirrotto, one of the football players involved in the apartment fight we cannot help but refer to as "Bootgate."
For speed's sake, we've dropped Penn State six points immediately, and really should be somewhere around Michigan's ranking and definitely below Florida. In true flubalicious fashion, Team Redacted yanks victory from the jaws of defeat, resulting in a stunning comeback for what appears to be a victory for Illinois in the 2007 Fulmer Cup. And as with most things [NAME REDACTED], it comes through no actual accomplishments of excellence of their own.
Arkansas DE: "Ecstasy got da best ah me." Playing football is stressful, so why not relax? And when we say relax, we mean really, really relax, as in cranking up a joint and picking up a little MDMA on the way to a friend's house.
The officer asked Harrison to step out of the car. The police report says Harrison consented to a search and told the officer he had "just a pill" in a pocket of his cargo shorts. The officer reported finding a small plastic bag containing one blue Ecstasy pill.
Hill got hit with felony controlled substance possession, which is three points there, plus a slew of driving citations, including the shame of having no seat belt on at the time of the arrest. Ever heard the oft-cited rule that drunks survive crashes because they're so much more relaxed than sober people? Stoned people rolling on X must have an even higher rate of survival, especially me, since their erect penises break the windshield glass on impact like one of those spikes you can buy in case you find yourself trapped underwater in your car.
Award ceremony: Wednesday, 3:00 p.m, when the FC season closes. It's gonna take a miracle to knock off Illinois, barring an Arizona State football bank robbery, renaissance Miami block party turned shootin' 'n lootin' riot, or the inevitable exposure of the illegal human cloning operation that's been producing slow, accurate white quarterbacks for Michigan for thirty years.