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We'll just begin with a nice blanket statement here. If you don't want to read about really, really sordid details concerning the Minnesota sexual assault case, then don't click the link, m'kay? M'kay. Think about happy puppies instead, or maybe a nice plate of pad thai, or something.

Yes. That's something quite pleasant.

The Minnesota Star-Tribune has the sordid details, and they're as bad as you might imagine. A cell phone video captured a football player allegedly ejaculating onto the face of a woman who, drunk off eight shots of vodka, was hovering somewhere around a .30 BAC, could not possibly have consented, and has no memory of the incident.

The case has a decent chance of prosecution, as one of the football players recorded the whole thing on his cell phone, providing key evidence for the prosecution. U r so smrt!

If true: assholes. That's all we can say. Total assholes all around. You're all complete fucking shitbag die-in-a-ditch-now assholes.