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COLLEGE FOOTBALL '07: ASK A SPAMMER

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We open the mailbag for our guest columnist, our resident local spammer. Enjoy AND UPDATE YOUR ACCOUNT INFOMRATION IMEDIATELY!!111

1. Dear Orson,

Is Michigan getting too much credit too early? I'm worried about our losses on the defensive side of the ball and feel like we're headed for another 2005-style letdown.

--Koncerned in Kalamazoo
Dear friend,

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Also, we feel Michigan may be overdrawing on last year's successful account but is the default pick because no one knows who to pick in a muddled Big Ten. GOD BLESS easy pickings based on returning qb, rb, and wideouts and everyone else shuffling their personnel decks.

Yours sincerely,

AMADOU FOULANISAKE
HIS MOST INDULGENTLY INDEBTED
SON OF AMADOU FOULANISAKE, DECAPITATED
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2. Dear Orson,

Wondering what you thought of the increasing size of players in college football, and not just at the obvious line positions.

--Fascinated with the effects of high fructose corn syrup in Fresno

d1d y0u heaR how B1g he waz?

He pract1cally p0pp3d 0uT of hizz pantz! I waS so sKared I c0ulDn'T m0ve! I have nEver seEn a man like that be4 and when I asKed him h0w it got so BIG he repl13d that h3 aws parT of teh S1Z3 R3V0LUTI0N!!!

Also, w3 CAN'T BEL13V3 H0W B1GG some players are on the rosters this year. Washington wideout Marcel Reece stands 6-3, 240 as a senior in college, a roughly Darryl David Boston-sized wide receiver before he ever sees a professional "supplement." Oklahoma's o-line averages 6'5", 317 across the front. Texas A&M running back Jorvorskie Lane is 270 after he takes a hearty crap.

The biggest change has been at skill positions, while line size fluctuates depending on the scheme and preferences of the line coach/OC. At FSU and Alabama, you'll see lower weights across the board on the offensive lines because of an emphasis on mobility and speed. Oklahoma's evidently fine with breaking the training table with their o-line.


Jorvorskie Lane: I cANT b3LI3v3 hiZ SIZ3!!!!111

TEH S1Z3 1Z TrEM3ND0uS!!!! h0P3 Ur F00TbALL T3AM K33pZ UP!!!

3.Orson--

Do you believe in the preseason hype surrounding Missouri? Gary Pinkel's been just on the edge of making the Big 12 championship for what seems like five years now, and every year something happens to kneecap the Tigers. Is this year the year?

--Pinkel Patience Preparing to Pop, Missouri

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Best used for five to seven years, like Gary Pinkel.

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