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PATERNO TO HAVE PLAYERS CLEAN STADIUM.

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The legal ramifications are still shaking out from the Penn State assault/burglary case, but the internal punishment from the extremely fatigued Joe Paterno is a done deal:

While a possible punishment in the courts is still to be decided, Paterno already handed one down to the entire team: the Nittany Lions will clean Beaver Stadium on the Sunday's after every home game.

Looking at the home schedule for 2007, we have some definite possibilities for exotic fan refuse to make the players' jobs much, much more difficult than usual. Florida International brings the pork with them, but the real worry might be cleaning up the dead bodies A'Mod Ned leaves behind when his inevitable crutch-wielding tirade begins sometime in the third quarter.


If it's funny once, it's funny every time: Ned.

Notre Dame will leave behind only their echoes--easy enough to clean up there--while all five Buffalo fans can't possibly make all that much of a mess. The biggest concern should be the Capital One Visigoth Horde that is the Ohio State fanbase, known for improvising latrines on the fly. Be afraid, Penn State footballers. That innocent cooler you're handling could very well be something Jack Bauer is torturing people right now at this moment to find.*


Don't touch that cooler, or you'll incinerate most of Pennsylvania.

*Predicated on urban legend that at the 2006 Fiesta Bowl, Ohio State fans left coolers full of feces in the tailgating lots. Ohio State fans respond with a.) "Fuck you," b.) "Fuck you, Notre Dame took a shit on the field, at least we had the decency to do it in a cooler." Both points well taken.