clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


Scratch one offensive lineman in Gainesville: Ronnie Wilson, offensive lineman, attempts to bring a third championship to the University of Florida by earning plentiful points in the Fulmer Cup. From the Gainesville Sun:

University of Florida offensive lineman Ronnie Matthew Wilson was arrested early Thursday on charges of aggravated assault, simple battery and use or display of a concealed weapon during the commission of a felony, a Gainesville Police arrest report stated.

Police accused Wilson, 19, of shooting a semi-automatic rifle after a dispute with another man, according to the report.

Wilson later told police he took the rifle out of his trunk and fired one shot into the air because he wanted the other man "to know how it felt to be scared," the report stated.

Mission accomplished, sir! Wilson probably eats pancakes with jam, honey, and syrup just to get the job done, since being a screaming, Stonehenge-sized football player in a traffic altercation evidently wasn't enough for him in the fear evocation department.

Smile, dumbass.

For his display of proper Baghdad crowd control technique, Wilson earns (shakes head, sighs) NINE GODDAMN POINTS for our own Florida Gators. The breakdown:

Aggravated assault: 3 points.

Simple battery: 1 points. Akin to FnDC.

Use or display of a concealed weapon during the commission of a felony. Another 3 pointer here.

Gator bonus: 1 point. Not because we want to win, but because the last team we want in this thing is our own. Points for shame.

Mongoloid Bonus: 1 point. Honestly, the stupidest Gator crime we can remember. Ever. Period. Dumber than Taurean Charles trying to mash a guy's head in with a beer keg. That was homicidal rage, which we can understand. This? Overkill in the hands of bonified paste-eating moron.

Perhaps Miami's not the only team that needs a firearms policy?