There's oodles to cover via the Fulmer Cup, including an unprecedented points-shaving probe with all the fixin's over at Toledo: the FBI, a gangster bookie named Doug, a chance to mention the 'Stutz, and OMG!!! POINTS SHAVING!!!
But first, we'd like to mention the fact that in addition to holding the current men's football trophy, winning the women's gymnastics crown this weekend, and going for a second NCAA basketball championship in a row tonight, the Florida Gators also entered another competition in impressive fashion this weekend--the Fulmer Cup.
Even when we do that, however, we go jumbo. See Dustin Doe, special teams head-cracker and one-time potential starter on the defense, caught for fightin' outside da club in Gainesville this weekend. His charge doesn't exactly weaken his claim for a starting spot in our eyes:
Doe was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of affray, or public fighting with more than two people, which carries a penalty of up to one year in jail. He was brought to Alachua County Jail and released Sunday on a $1,000 bond.
See? We go large, people. Even when it involves a simple parking lot brawl, we can't just fight one guy--we have to seek out two and fight them simultaneously, often while brushing up on our intermediate Chinese with Rosetta Stone on our Ipod Nano. Affray looks like this, btw:
We've already contacted this man and adopted him into the Gator Nation. Go cure cancer, Chiang Tie-Lu of Tainan, Taiwan! Or whip three other guys asses at a testy local rally. Up to you , really.
We'll be back in a sec with the Toledo story. In the meantime, we've got some excellence to piss out...while we solve the New York Times crossword in pen. Two, that's two points for Florida: one for the simple fightin' charge, and one for our longtime habit of giving Florida extra points thanks to our stated allegiances. (It's only fair that if we're going to run this thing, we might as well be doubly hard on Florida.)