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INJURY REPORT: NEVER MOVE A FLAT SCREEN THAT WEIGHS 3,000 LBS.

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Most bizarre injury of the spring thus far goes to Nebraska's bruising and now quite bruised running back Kenny Wilson. If South Park's decade of gory demises hasn't proven this by now, do not name your son "Kenny" unless you're prepared to watch his painful doom:

Nebraska running back Kenny Wilson broke his leg moving a television and likely will be out for the season.

We'd love to delve into more detail here, but there are none aside from his being out for the year, because breaking the largest bone in your body, the femur, represents serious business. (HT: Fanhouse Jeff.)

With the Cornhuskers of olde, the real explanation would have been easy: he would have been "moving" the television through someone's window with some teammates, heard sirens or a dog, and then leapt from the window, either breaking his leg on landing or having it snapped by the falling safe they were also boosting from the house. (Boosting? Been watching Mannix?--ed.) In this bland, law-abiding Callahan era, we're sure this is just a freak accident.

Personally, though, we'd have only one story for the world if we were Kenny.

Reporter: How'd it happen, Kenny?

Kenny: (Smiles) Hard fuckin', Bob. Mad hard fuckin'.


What this couldn't do, a television did: Kenny Wilson, your most bizarre injury of the spring.