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Some people really do live every week like it's shark week. Mike Leach, pirate and Texas Tech football coach, sees the winds change, tacks against it, and broadsides the opposition with this news: his crew be needin' a mighty punter, and they're willing to use your fancy newspapers to find him. As found in the Daily Toreador, the swashbucklingly named student paper of Texas Tech: (HT:Dave)

Anyone wanting to tryout for the team can start today by calling the Texas Tech Athletic Department and ask for Tech graduate assistant Clay McGuire.

If you're in the area and would like to try out, that's (806) 742-4260 and ask for Clay. Sure he's having a really, really fulfilling day. We weren't aware Mike Leach actually had a punter, or even used one. However, if he wants to appease critics by carrying one, we're glad to egg the charade on with him. (We love elaborate charades--see the BCS, or the current subprime lending market for some of our faves.)

Qualifications include:

--Does bellringing in private.
--Prefers to kick into practice nets as opposed to real-time, in-game situations.
--Extensive wenching experience preferred; basic random sodomy and pillaging, however, is a must.
--Must be a big fan of "brown rain."

Again, just ring up ol' Clay there if you think you're game, swabby. Yarr.