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MIKE THE TIGER TO ENTER SEMI-RETIREMENT

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On a day where basketball is devouring the popular imagination, we should not fail to note the semi-retirement of Mike V, the actual real, live Tiger mascot for the LSU Tigers. Mike, an aging but still healthy 15-year old, has displayed dimmed enthusiasm for the duties of Bayou Bengal mascothood, according to his handler Dave Baker, and will begin the three-step process toward retirement.

Baker said he noticed that Mike "didn't seem to be into it anymore" during last season. "It was more bothersome to him...[Mike] is still in reasonably good shape for an elderly tiger, and still has a "good attitude."

Meaning he's still staring through the bars, fantasizing about killing you, pulling your hide off, and eating every inch of you down to licking the marrow out of your bones. Because he's a Tiger, and they really are born to kill, mate, break down recruiting tape, and sleep just like the Orgeron without doing much else. (Little known fact about Tigers, the recruiting bit. Totally explains LSU's historically dominant recruiting, no?)

Mike will retire in stages since LSU has vowed to never let a Tiger die on campus again. We're just sitting her cringing in envy since Florida refuses to honor our requests to keep a real Albert on the sidelines during the game. A live alligator being fed whole live chickens during a football game would be intimidating as hell, we think.

Visit Mike's website, the king don tiger of all don tiger websites.


Soon to be wandering some gangster's lawn: Mike V.