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Willie Tuitama, starting quarterback for the Arizona Wildcats and our "breakout player most likely to be listed on breakout player lists both this year and next year," enters Arizona into the Fulmer Cup with a deft bit of DUI dodging Tuitama and company parlayed into a much more innocuous Minor In Possession charge.

Tuitama and company were spotted peeling out of a parking lot in a Black Tahoe last Saturday night. When the officer doing the spotting caught up with the car, it was parked, empty, and locked with its passengers standing around it. The officer requested a look-see at the two suspicious bottles on the seat visible inside the car, but with the keys mysteriously gone, the bottles could not be examined. Fast-forward two hours:

The officer met Tuitama at his car 2 1/2 hours later, where Tuitama gave the officer a 1.75-liter bottle of brandy that was one-third full and a half-full 750-milliliter bottle of Hpnotiq liqueur. The contents of both bottles were poured out and later disposed of at UAPD headquarters.

Hitting the Hp' and the Hen' on the highway yields Tuitama and the Wildcats one single point in the Fulmer Cup, and likely earned the UAPD one cranium-splintering hangover from the "disposal" of the contraband. Just as well for Tuitama; all the playaz for real drink Donaghy Estates Sparkling Wine now.

Ghostface Killah: strictly drinkin' the JD, even if Robert Parker says it's "satan's urine after a hefty dose of asparagus."