Late February: Recruiting is finished. Spring practice is still a distant possibility. As a D-1 coach, you could either loll around the alumni club circuit and add several inches to the waistline getting cranked on bourbon and stringy roast beef, or you could do what any sensible person would do: go on vacation.
We're posting updates from the field all week, using our worldwide network of correspondents to bring you the latest on your coach's whereabouts and activities whether you want to know them or not.
Hong Kong, EDSBS Correspondent Lap Sing Kok reporting: "Though he originally left Oxford on a plane bound for Hawaii via LAX, this correspondent will confirm the presence of Ole Miss Coach Ed Orgeron, a.k.a. Orgeron the Destroyer, O'Ruption, Curtis Infarction in Hong Kong. He was last seen ducking into a seedy alley in Kowloon, where he was allegedly going to defend his crown in the mysterious Kumite, the mythical fighting championship hosted in our fair city.
Our plant inside managed to snap this picture before his tragic and horrifically swift death.
Very good. But brick not hit back!
More info as it comes in, provided we survive the night..."
Cayo Sombrero, Venezuela. EDSBS Correspondent Pablo Caciques reporting:
"We managed to track down Les Miles and companion, who despite our unplanned interview proved to be a genial and willing interview on the beach. Our dialogue follows:
EDSBS: So, how's the vacation, Les?
LM: Fuckin' awesome, man. Just fuckin' great. Venezuela is the fuckin' bomb.
EDSBS: What's been keeping you busy, Les?
LM: Besides breaking the record for number of times you can fuckin' empty your fuckin' baby batter baster in a single day with this filly here? Not much man. That'll take up all your time, what with the tanning, the eating, the constant sex, the rock-bottom plastic surgery rates they've got here.
EDSBS: I noticed you looked a little different, Coach.
LM: Naw, I fuckin' looked like this when I got down here. HA! That's fuckin' funny, man. Gyms are for homos. Yeah, I thought when we got down here I'd just have an eyelift, or maybe a fuckin' tummy tuck. But you get down here, and the dollars just won't stop stretching, ya know? I got the whole thing done for, what, like twelve hundred bucks. Still had some cash left over to get the little lady here an asshike, some lipo, and a set of tits you could eat a bowl of fuckin' soup off of, man.
EDSBS: And the swimsuit? What's with that?
LM: Hey, you gotta fuckin' represent, or the terrorists win. You gotta have some fuckin' confidence if you wanna get respect. And part of that twelve hundred? Just paid for a little extra respect for my own Bayou Tiger, if you know what I fuckin' mean. I mean, I was a man before, but now...the Hoover Dam shudders at the job this swimsuit has to do.
EDSBS: Enjoy your vacation, Coach Miles.
LM: Fuckin' A, dude. Fuckin'. A.
Updates will follow as they come in...