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We have to thank reader and unofficial EDSBS staff member DevilGrad for being a friend and traveling round the world and back again to find us this recruiting name you should mourn not having on your team. Honestly, we thought the manliest name ever was Leslie Nielsen's moniker in Spy Hard: Dick Steel. Thankfully we were nine degrees of wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen: Bearthur Johnson.

Starting defense: place at the table!!!

We couldn't find a clip of the greatest Bea Arthur-related line ever for your increasingly inaccurately titled "Friday Youtube," but we did find Jeffrey Ross at his most death-defying, doing Emmitt Smith's roast. (That would be the line about Sandra Bernhard at Jerry Stiller's roast where, after a Bernhard musical number, Ross says "I wouldn't fuck her with Bea Arthur's dick." With Arthur spitting up her drink twenty feet away.)

He's a tiny Jewish comedian in an almost entirely black crowd speaking nastiness you wouldn't say about...well, we wouldn't say about Bobby Bowden, actually. His two minutes on Shaquille O'Neal is comedy precision of a tactical nuke variety.

Is Jason Williams here? Well, fuck him.