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The promo machine in Tempe cranks it up for the arrival of Dennis Erickson with the marketeer's weapon of last resort: the door hanger. (HT: The immortal CliffX.)

Valuable Coupons On Back!!! Of course there are, but not the kind we'd expect from college football's original prototypical piratecoach. No twofers for shots at Grizzlebee's? No free app with your third birdbath margarita at Don Taco's? No commission-free bail bonds for ASU ticket holders? No discounted jumbo containers of Anderson Cooper Silver Fox Hair Dye for the Mature Sexy Beast™ at the local Walgreen's? The lack of synergy and Erickson branding is simply inexcusable, marketeers.

We're disappointed, Arizona State. You may as well have used our favorite picture of Dennis Erickson ever--in fact, feel free to take it. It's him loaded after 18 holes of golf in Hawaii driving his golf cart into a volcano. You just know he'd live to tell about it--anyone who coached the 1990 Miami Hurricanes can live through anything.

ASU Football--if it doesn't work out, we'll make Dennis Erickson drive a golf cart into a volcano.