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TEN REASONS THE IRISH SHOULD BE HAPPY THIS MORNING

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10. Charlie Weis departed New Orleans safely. We're not making a fat joke here, we're just saying that the man is still walking after spending a week in the city of butter cooked in butter broth with butter sauce topped with sugar. Success comes in a thousand flavors, Domers--reach out and grab one here.

9. Brady Quinn can perform the complex and demanding tasks of the NFL combine without the pesky weight of a national championship ring on his finger, which could adversely affect his throwing motion.

8. Personal fouls may prove to be keen marketing strategy with borderline recruits unconvinced at Notre Dame's "thug quotient." Look for South Florida recruits to flock northward in response.

7. Light scoring gave tireless student-section push-up artists a chance to rest overworked pectoral muscles. Never overtrain is the rule you should follow.

6. Ninth straight bowl loss ensures that ages-old rivalry with Temple is still burning with live hate.

5. Parking over at St. Mary's across from campus will likely remain at the merely extortionary rate of 20 dollars per car.

4. Constant debrainings in nationally televised games have broadened the horizons of medicine--NAY!--science as we know it.

3. Sportswriters may now save labor and dust off the "Irish resurgence" column for the third year in a row, allowing them to take a quiet day off, and thereby helping the liquor and golf-based economies of this nation surge into the second and third economic quarters of next year.

2. Somewhere, Regis Philbin is weeping. His tears bring joy to the world.

1. Your loss created the happiest moment of this man's life: