In the interest of fairness, we're turning over the site to a lucky Buckeye fan every Thursday until the national championship game. Subcommandante Wayne is here to...well, tell you anything he likes. We only reserve the right to spell check--everything else is straight outta Franklin County, Ohio.
Umm...enjoy?--O.
WASSUP BIOTCHEZZ!!! Subcommandante Wayne is back on the mic. Look at me in my tuff ski mask with my massive assraping amplifiers, you gay gay Gaytors and other shitbag non-Buckeyes!!! Orson is so the dumz0rz for letting me do this.
You want this but can't have it. Suck it! Go Buckeyes!
Sorry to duck out for so long but it's already been a shit-sandwich morning for the Subcommandante. First, it took a little while for the Grand Am to heat up. Then Mom's bitching the whole time about how the ice is making it hard for her to get traction with the cane. Maybe if the bitch didn't weigh 350 pounds that wouldn't be a problem LOL!!!! Then the traffic on the way to the County Permits office where Mom works was a total whore's whore.
So I'm all pent up, right? 'Cause Mom's bitching, and the car's all cold and she's listening to Star 95 in the morning when we should be listening to Skunk 105--those dudes are fucking funny, especially when they interview that homeless guy and make fun of him. Plus they play Saliva and Nickelback, and you haven't lived until you've opened up the Grand Am to BOOM!
God that song makes me hard just like watching Andy Lauranitis does. They're like, the same, right? BOOM!!!! here comes the BOOOM!
So anyway, I'm already pissed, so I decide to let off some steam by putting on the Skunk and going behind the Permits office, where they've got this big parking lot that no one uses that backs up to the turnpike. It's like a half mile of empty lot, right? So I thought I'd blow a little steam off and let the big dog Grand Am eat up all that rage I got.
Yeah, it needs new paint but the nitrous system pwns yours. I streetrace it and cannot be stopped.
Now, I love that car, but speed like that will get you in trouble, especially with the sweetass nitrous kit I got in it. I drove to the end of the lot, and let it loose just as the Skunk started to play a kickass song by Korn. WAAAAAAAA!!!!! It was so awesome, and there's no sweating the cops or anything because the only thing you're gonna hit back there is a cat or something and who cares about a fucking cat BOOOM HAHHAHAHAHA.
Anyway, I hit the nitrous. Everything goes batshit crazy then because I hit an ice patch, spin sideways, and all of a sudden it's like I'm a hamster caught in the vacuum cleaner, everything spinning and going WHOOOOOOM and shit. Actually, for a second it's completely awesome, cause there's Korn playing and McDonald's wrappers flying around the car and the Nitrous is wailing but then I figure out that I'm heading straight for the recycling dumpster way at the end of the lot. The brakes, man, are not working.
The long and short and whatnot is that the whole side of the car is fucked up and not even looking at my Art Schlicter autographed betting stub is making me feel better, man. It looks like someone dragged a giant key down the side of it, and it makes this not funny scary rattle when I drive. I've got six hours before I pick up Mom and get my ass chewed out, so I'm gonna go play a little WoW and talk to my clan about how much my life sucks ass right now.
GO BUCKS tOSU RULZ!!!!
-Wayne
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