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Liberty Mutual's Coach of the Year award means so much to the coaches of this nation. So much so that this is the first time we've ever heard of it, or a few of the nominees, actually. Don't tell us you've heard of Mel Tjeerdsma. If you do, you are a lying liar. Unless you live in Southwest Missouri, in which case we believe you, or you are in fact Mel Tjeerdsma.

Nominees include:

Mack Brown. He won the national championship last year, right? Give 'em a trophy for the hell of it. Something tells me the "casual fan" on the board made this nomination after the crew rejected the names "Barry Switzer" and "Tom Osborne" from the same party.

Bob Stoops. Yeah, same guy. He's really looking forward to his corporate seats at the Fiesta this year. The in-box spread is amazing--and he's not just talking about the food, if ya know what I mean wocka wocka!!!

Tommy Tuberville. "We just like the sound of it. Kind of like a kids' show hero, you know."

Upjurs Jimgrobe. We're not sure who this is, but we know the 'j' is pronounced a la the Swedish. Other nominees include Nantahala State's Gofer Kyerselfgrobe, University of Chulalongkorn Men's Football coach Sukit Jeemgrobe, and Maui Technical College's coach "Nineanwun Izeazyeh."

Upjurs Jimgrobe: a better coach than this guy, evidently.