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THE PERFECT METAPHOR: FSU AS BERNIE

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The Itch thinks FSU has become Weekend At Bernie's. That might be giving the program too much credit at this point, since Bernie could waterski, and we're pretty sure that Bobby Bowden can't do that at this point.

As they point out, not a single one of the picks FSU's qbs threw was anywhere near a receiver. Not even close. These were Neil O'Donnell-worthy picks, truly works of brilliance. At one pont Weatherford tossed a pick to a lineman in coverage, who looked like hippo who'd found a particularly tasty hunk of rivergrass and was sprinting to shore to keep the others away from it.

What's their recruiting pitch now for qbs?

--"You'll definitely get lots of cardio playing with us."

--"CSTV has plenty of open jobs for you after graduation."

--"If you love the jump ball and the square in, well, you'll love us."

--"You ever seen the run and shoot? Imagine that without the run."

--"Secretly convinced that despite your successes you're actually a failure waiting to happen? Dream, meet reality."

--"FSU: where qbs learn tackling very, very well."

Tackling: a skill essential for the FSU quarterback.

Vile nepotism come home to roost. Smells like...well, vile nepotism, actually. Kind of a burnt smell with a toxic, burned rubber edge.