Though they choked our team out in brutal, slow-mo fashion, the Auburn Tigers deserve a few kind words. Know that their fans display class and a hands-on passion for tailgating properly, if in a very, very laid-back fashion. (Cuddles Swindle, an AU grad who wants Miss Cleo points for correctly predicting the score of 27-17 correctly, claims this is “just saving it for the game.” Given the satisfying din of Jordan-Hare, we’ll buy that.)

They also cook with Weber grills, a true sign of outdoor craftsmanship. In the clip below, we tell another man that he has a fine piece of meat and drink coffee at a tailgate without getting our ass cut off, grilled, and handed back to us on a styrofoam plate-strong evidence of a very pleasant and tolerant fanbase. By the way, the woman did give us a Miller Lite in a can, featured prominently in the photos follwing the jump, which we were forced to double-fist along with the venti Starbucks we had in hand.

Fine people who deserve thanks for being such hospitable hosts. Next time, though, put Quentin Groves on a leash. Emily Post and PETA both disapprove of what he did to Chris Leak. Will’s also got an elated take on what happened, though know that before you read it we trimmed the Isaac Asimov sideburns, which had to go.

Skateboarders also refused to allow gameday festivities to curtail their normal routine.

More photos of the outstandingly pleasant Auburn fanbases follow, along with some Gator fans wearing our 2006 Christmas presents.

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-UVA AD Craig Littlepage says Al Groh’s still his man. Who’s got Al Groh fever? You will, with a diagnosis of at least 12 more months of infection, Cavalier fans.
The upside: increasing losses to teams like Western Michigan and Eastern Carolina help bloggers disingenuously defend scheduling (Instert Direction and Major State here) University in the twelth game since “parity’s becoming more and more common-just look at UVA!”

Al Groh fever: viral, bacterial, or contractual?

-Kudos and huzzahs to Glen Mason, who has dispensed with the needless run up to 6-0 before crashing to 7-5 to end the season as the Gophers have always done. He appears to have cunningly reversed the Glen Mason Pattern this year by dispensing with the illusory winning and going straight for the crushing losses up front. Cue bitter articles about Mason not getting Ohio State job in two weeks for impending matchup with Buckeyes.

-Dirk Koetter, who we remind you has a name fit for a merciless but philosophical U-Boat captain, may begin the vigorous circulation of his resume to peers for review. Dirk, do not use the Microsoft Word Templates-it will make you look cheap and unimaginative.

The Sun Devils became the third team to shoulder the burden of being this week’s team to almost beat USC, thus raising hopes for nearly four quarters among BCS-bashing anarchists that the Trojans would rack up a midseason loss. Koetter, rarely the cautious type, punted with 100 or so seconds to go, a fact that has The House of Heat posting pictures of horse buttocks.

Sparky: fired up to be this week’s USC also-ran.

-Adrian Peterson breaks his collarbone in first game watched by father in person. To paraphrase an old Russian joke: “There is a God, Adrian, but sometimes he does not like you very much.” To do list: dry tears with hundreds from NFL signing bonus, drown sorrows in jiggling flesh of good, giving, and game groupies.

-New Mexico State versus Boise: 1004 yards of offense. WACtion at its finest. Forget the modernization of the league or the continuing professionalization of its coaching staffs; we propose that legislation protect the WAC as a safe refuge for points and WACky defenses. Protective legislation would be the forced extradition of defensive coordinators to other conferences after three games of sub-fifty point totals.

Hal Mumme needs a safe place. Congress, give it to him, or risk losing college football’s most brazen combover.

Needs federal protection.

-Louisville struggled against Cincinnati despite Brian Brohm’s honors student 320 yard day, 24-17. (more…)

The quick shots on the weekend as delivered to you by our wobbly barkeep:

-Impending mancrush alert: we love Jorvorskie Lane, and can’t tell him. Mainly because we’re over here behind the bushes being too damn scared to look directly at him. Craig “Ironhead” Heyward vibes radiate off the 5′11″, 265 pound on a day when he hasn’t eaten his weight in shrimp cocktail running back. He displayed enough raw manhood to clear the fog of skullduggery surrounding smarmy fading genius Franchione, running brutal yards against Missouri for 28 carries, 127 yards, and one thundering touchdown. Guard the buffets of College Station, and Lane can already begin shopping for real estate in Pittsburgh, where Bill Cowher is already jonesing for someone to satisfy his fat running back fetish.

Lane: only threatened by injury and Chinese impotence cures.

-Terry Hoeppner continues to say “tumor, schtumor” by coaching through brain surgery and making Indiana the must-watch ticker shocker of your early Saturday college football viewing. Indiana all but cements poll darling Iowa’s exit from the top 25 by defeating them 31-28 and then celebrating like they haven’t been there before. This is totally acceptable because they haven’t, and can by rule ham it up as they please after kicking Iowa’s corn-fed ass.

Players weren’t just in the first row in the post-game celebration-they were whole sections up into the stands, swimming in a sea of back-patting red sweatshirts. Hoeppner seemed beyond joy. Next time you think about calling into work sick, ask yourself: do I have a tumor? If the answer is no, then go, because that’s what Terry Hoeppner would do. If the answer is yes, get it removed and show up to work a week later at the latest with the staples still in your head, because that’s what Terry Hoeppner would do.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

-Myles couldn’t address questions surrounding an ongoing investigation, (more…)

Several members of the Miami football team, leaving the campus after Saturday night’s controversial victory over FIU, became involved in a brawl with the Coral Gables YMCA under-10 basketball team and parents. The ensuing fracas left five elementary schoolers severely injured and resulted in the arrest of twenty-seven Miami football players.

Miami safety Brandon Meriwether said the fight started as a result of actions of the dodgeball team.

“We don’t take anything for granted at this U, and we don’t take shit from no one. It’s all ’bout this U. This little punk takes a look at me like I’m nothin’? Damn right I’m having a boot party for them Showbiz Pizza bitches.”

Miami players in the first of two public fights on Saturday.

Meriwether, free on bail following the incident, is accused of at least six charges in the fight, including an accusation of throwing several children into oncoming traffic.

The incident, which occurred around 9:45 p.m. on Saturday night, began innocently enough, according to the parents of the children involved. (more…)

We’re tragically behind this Monday after a weekend of travel, double-fisting coffee and beer, and catching up on that thing we call our day job.

In the meantime, please take a moment to appreciate a few clips of Gameday atmosphere. First, there’s the student cafeteria where hundreds of alums sat transfixed with hatred as they watched Alabama almost lose to the sinister forces of Orgeron Miss.

Oh, how they hate them.