One might call it "parity." One also might call it "partial crappiness, with a chance of mediocrity." Thus far, no fifty-story mechabot Leviathan team has emerged from the pack of D-1 teams, and dipping into the ranks of teams below the arbitrary 25th spot is like hand-diving into the backseat of a Manhattan taxi cab to fish out the seat belts: nothing down there that won't give you some kind of disease, and plenty of it.
The latest laughable attempt to rank the nation's top 25 football teams follows. Trash away, since we moved a few teams out of sheer boredom.
| Rank | Team | Delta |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ohio State | -- |
| 2 | Auburn | -- |
| 3 | Michigan | 1 |
| 4 | Southern Cal | 1 |
| 5 | Florida | 1 |
| 6 | Louisville | 1 |
| 7 | West Virginia | 1 |
| 8 | Oregon | 1 |
| 9 | Louisiana State | 2 |
| 10 | Texas | -- |
| 11 | Notre Dame | 5 |
| 12 | Georgia Tech | 10 |
| 13 | Tennessee | -- |
| 14 | Cal | -- |
| 15 | Iowa | 8 |
| 16 | Clemson | 3 |
| 17 | Oklahoma | 4 |
| 18 | Virginia Tech | 6 |
| 19 | Boston College | 5 |
| 20 | Wake Forest | 3 |
| 21 | Georgia | 4 |
| 22 | Rutgers | 2 |
| 23 | TCU | 8 |
| 24 | Washington | 1 |
| 25 | Missouri | 1 |
Notes, Errata, and Analytical Maafa:
1. One move at the top: USC gets shaky and thus loses a spot to Michigan, who with Ohio State are the two death machines cranking their way through the Big Ten right now. Despite vastly different approaches and schemes, both teams seem to run the hell out of the ball and aim to finish every game somewhere around 28-7. Both would be a stern test for a USC team lacking the automatic 6 ypc run advance they cashed in on first down every game for the past three years. Blame it on boredom and the gasper against Wazzou this weekend.
2. Florida moves up a spot for being 5-0 and beating someone who bloodied them last year. They are overrated until they beat LSU--if they do, we'll just hand over the positioning of our beloved Gators to our readers, since we'll be so high on the smell of our own brew that rational thinking will be impossible. But as of now, yeah, they're overvalued across the board, including in our poll.
3. Our affair with the Hawkeyes ends. Seeing them next to the pretty Buckeyes just made them look average. Drew Tate, for all of his gunslinger mojo, also has the natural parallel to that tendency: drilling cannonshot passes directly into the hands of stunned but gleeful DBs. He missed an obvious coverage in the OSU game that had Herbstreit firmly in tutorial mode in seconds Saturday night.
4. Ditto for Virginia Tech. Calvin Johnson is immune to Jenkins' powers, as well as several major laws of physics. He also works on clean water projects in Bolivia in the offseason. Oh, and your girlfriend was totally willing to play naked pogo with him, but Calvin instead sat her down and talked with her, teaching her a valuable lesson about honesty, fidelity, and how lucky she is to have a good guy like you in her life. He's that good.
Given that, this is probably as high as you'll see Tech this year. Don't blame us; blame science.
5. Have no idea what to do with Texas, since they're busy beating up kindergarteners for their money and screaming "O'Doyle rules!" in the form of Sam Houston State et al. Tedford has corrected the error in the machine and would like you to know that all systems are functioning at optimal performance.
6. Placing Georgia anywhere near some of these teams becomes more difficult each week. Tennessee will likely finish their plummet from the top 25 this week, since we think most people are just waiting for them to rack up a loss as an excuse to drop them.
7. Lousiana State: him big scary zombie supervillain team now. The Solomon Grundy of the SEC.
8. Wake Forest! Another team who's likely seen its poll peak, but it was a holiday while it lasted.
9. The rest, of course, is a mess as always.
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