San Jose State advertises itself as "in the core of Silicon Valley." So when it finally breaks the seal and enters the Fulmer Cup in guffaw-inducing fashion, it would stand to reason that they would put their own distinct, high-tech spin on nefarious behavior.
Enter aspiring Craigslist seller/alleged armed robber and San Jose State WR Ellis T. Jones III, who may have pulled off the single biggest free-standing Fulmer Cup score in the brief history of competition by luring potential internet shoppers off Craigslist with promises of deals and into an apartment complex where Jones allegedly robbed them, tasered them, and in one instance even "trunked" a victim. The robberies, which took place between June 27th and June 30th, involve such a flurry of activity as to suggest not only a rapacious criminal instinct, but an outstanding work ethic, as well:
Jones was charged Thursday with 13 felony counts including five counts of robbery, four counts of assault for using a Taser gun on some of his victims and one count of kidnapping to commit robbery for allegedly locking one victim in the trunk of a car. He faces up life in prison with the possibility of parole, according to Leonard James, a deputy district attorney with Santa Clara County.
Being tasered is no laughing matter. Especially when you thought you were getting a sweet deal on a papasan chair.
Follow us on the points, and beware: tharr be big math ahead.
Five counts robbery: 3 x 5=15 points.
Four counts of assault with taser: 3 x 4 points=12 points.
One count kidnapping: 4 points. Honestly, we hadn't come up with an award for kidnapping, but damn, kidnapping isn't your average everyday crime. 4 seems right.
This means a shocking, one-man campaign on the part of Ellis Jones III has turned the Fulmer Cup on its head. If this story holds, San Jose State certainly locks down the crown with an unprecedented, heretofore unparalleled THIRTY-ONE POINT ENTRANCE into the Fulmer Cup.
Frankly, we're speechless.