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SIGNS OF FOOTBALL ADVENT: INELIGIBILTY BREAKS OUT

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Ineligibility and concerns thereof...soak in just one of the heralds of football sitting just one shimmering month in the distance.

--Oregon State already lost the most underrated wide receiver in recent history, Mike Hass, to graduation; they may lose more to academic ineligibility before the season. Wideouts Marcel Love and Ruben Jackson may both be declared academically ineligible, leaving Oregon State in a position of "forced offensive diversity." But with all that throwing to the tight ends and running backs, they'll surely win a national championship, right? OSU's got a good stock of JUCO talent to supplant the losses, but even then they'll be wafer thin at wideout going into fall if neither Love nor Jackson qualifies.

--Florida DT Steven Harris, who's only a potentially vital piece of the Gators' vaunted D-line, ain't with the team right now due to "personal issues." Initially the reporting centered around injuries that might hamper Harris' participation in fall practice. Now he's got undisclosed personal problems. No worries, though. D-lineman grow on trees. You can go right up and pick one for yourself sometime next time you're in Asscrazyland.

--Brent Schaeffer, the starting quarterback at Ole Miss not actually enrolled at Ole Miss yet, is sitting somewhere feverishly working on an American History Crossword puzzle for his correspondence courses, yelling out things like "Who the fuck is Big Bill Heywood! And 54' 40 or fight? What the flying fuck does that mean?" If he manages to complete the puzzle and get back in time for the very beginning of classes, look for some downright unruly play by the Ole Miss offense for those first weeks of the season.


54' 40" or fight, motherfucker!