Sometimes, you have to introduce the place you live much like introducing a drug addicted, mentally retarded, or unfrozen caveperson-type person. As in:
You: Hello, World. This is Georgia. DOWN GEORGIA!
Total Stranger: Why, nice to meet you, Georgia AAAAIIIIGGHHH!!!
Georgia: SMASH!!! BLEAAARRRRGGHHH!!! (SOUVF)
Georgia, world. World, Georgia.
Reading this parenting column--a whiny one, to be sure--about the agonies of dating an aging but still diehard Bulldog fan is one of those times.(HT: Doug.) In fact, we think the woman is flat-out cracked for even thinking of writing down the following words:
"On the rare occasion that the whole family goes, there still are problems. The University of Georgia insists all children, even infants, pay the full adult ticket price. However, it does very little to make the experience family friendly.
Drunks spew profanity and tobacco juice. Newer ticket holders like us are stuck in the hot sun. There is no place to take kids to cool off except the concourse at the top of stadium, which is full of smokers and drunk sorority girls stumbling around in their stilettos.
Theres no official stroller parking inside or outside of the stadium, which makes it tough to get my 31-pound 2-year-old to the game.
Our gut reaction is this: fuck you and your family, especially your obese 749 pound two year old. We say this with the full disclosure that we have no idea how much a two year old weighs, what it eats, and no understanding of whether or not you can still legally give a baby laudanum to shut their mewling little mouths up. In fact, we're pretty sure we could be fooled by a chimp in a diaper if you handed it to us quickly enough. None of this changes the fact that the game day experience is about us attempting to kill an opposing player with just the sound of our voice. Your glandular freak on the Karo Syrup IV will have to deal.
That's a huge-ass baby, ma'am. Are you sure it can drink scotch?
Yet she has a point: like most colleges, makes very few accomodations for families. For an infant to pay full price is galling, especially when universities should be thinking about the potential fetal donors they're tagging for full adult admission. That's a potential customer, there--give 'em the freebies before they can remember them, at least.
The responses, though, surpass even our initial vitriol. Just a sampling from the ranks of the AJC commenters:
"Could you be any more whiny and selfish? Let the man enjoy a few Saturdays each year! Youre lucky he hasnt left you yet.
Now go change a diaper and fix your husband a sandwich and bring him a Jack and Coke."
"Shut-up and get your whinning butt back in the kitchen!!!" (This one from commenter "Mark Richt".)
"WAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Grow up loser. Let the man have his Saturdays. Women should be at home raisin the young uns!"
Read the whole thread. We weep for whomever is married to any of these people.
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