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SANDWICHES FOR YOUR TEAM

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In an attempt to boost flagging sales, Wendy's is rolling out an entire line of regionally-themed foodstuffs appealing to the sports fan's need for premature death in a convenient, hand-held form. The first of these will be the "Brutus Buckeye" burger marketed in Ohio:

The burger -- available at 125 central Ohio restaurants -- will feature a quarter pound of beef, sweet relish, mustard relish, tomatoes, bacon, lettuce, onion and American cheese on a roll.

Doesn't seem to have enough "punch" for the school that Woody Hayes built, but it seems innocuous enough. (HT: CFR.)The spokesman for Wendy's also mentioned that they were looking for other product ideas, which we're more than happy to give them for free. Take 'em all on the house, burger boys:

--"The Solich," available in the Athens, Ohio area only. An all beef patty, salsa, sauteed red and green peppers, and Tio Pepe's "special sauce" available over the counter in most Juarez pharmacies. Do not consume while driving.


I do not recall eating a sandwich of that nature, sir.

--"The Fulmer Wollongong Whomper," a concept marketed by Outback in the East Tennessee market. Features three whopping pounds of ground kangaroo meat held together by baling wire and ostrich eggs, grilled for ten minutes to sear the outside while leaving the interior cold, raw, and delicious, if not in accordance with public health standards. Served on a frosted red velvet cake cut in half and topped with a shovelful of cheese fries and beef jerky slaw, and is accompanied by a generous helping of special whiskey/ranch dipping shots to fire down the hatch in between bites. Bonzer!

--"The Paterno Salerno Special." According to Paterno, "eh, it's some kind of sandwich. Not sure. I bet it's good though. Me, I stick to soup and salads, 'cause sandwiches will plug you right up, and at my age the plumbers for that kind of clogged drain are mighty expensive, you know. But yeah, it's a sandwich with something in it. Pretty sure of that much."

--"The Trojan '05 Legacy Club Sandwich, Sponsored by ESPN. " IS IT THE GREATEST SANDWICH OF ALL TIME? IF THE SANDWICH FACED THE 1948 ARMY TEAM WOULD THE TROJANS ONLY BEAT THEM BY EIGHT THOUSAND POINTS? WHAT ABOUT THE LEGACY CLUB VS. A 1992 MCRIB AND THE '94 HUSKERS' BLACKSHIRT DEFENSE? WHY IS THE LEGACY CLUB HAPPY TO HAVE SKIPPED THE NFL DRAFT AND RETURNED FOR ONE MORE SEASON? AND HOW DOES ITS LEGENDARY MUSTARD STAY SO TANGY? AVAILABLE ONLY IN BRISTOL CONNECTICUT!!!


Could not respect your legendary mustard less.