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HOLD THAT TIGER! WITH RESTRAINTS! MU ENTERS FULMER CUP

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Missouri enters the Fulmer Cup in glorious fashion with a third-degree assault charge leveled against running back Tony Temple and his girlfriend Kendra Power resulting from--and this is why they're going to get style points--a fight at a Bennigan's with a kitchen employee over a food order gone awry. (HT: The Wiz.)


This Monte Cristo is unacceptable, sir. Taste my vengeance!

You'll never believe this, but like many recovering English majors, we spent considerable time in the hospitality business. There are a few rules in the hospitality business, and they stand with the gravity and certainty of divine dictate etched into stone. They are:

1. Don't fuck with the kitchen crew, and...

2. Don't fuck with the kitchen crew.

Most of them have been to jail for an extended stay of at least two or three days. If not, they're punks, skaters, aspiring rappers/tattoo artists, UFC fighters in training, ex-Special Forces guys, women who would frighten Barbary pirates with their coarseness, meth addicts, African refugees who saw their Dad eaten by crazed Congolese militias, or drug dealers in the process of turning into one of the aforementioned identities. Whatever variety of badass they are, they have short tempers and work inside a sauna that smells like grease and garlic for 12 hours a day six days a week, and can make your life as a server a living, breathing hell if you piss them off as your orders mysteriously end up splatting on the floor or turn up cold and dead at the end of the line. We know this from experience, most notably a screaming match with a locally famous six and a half foot tall transsexual kitchen type in a Midtown Atlanta restaurant in 2001.

For one of them to come out of the back to confront these two over an order meant that badass kitchen person was having a very, very rough day to begin with, and likely wanted to beat someone's ass anyway. Temple complaining about someone else's botched order of chicken-stuffed nacho jalapeno potato-skin popper nuggets indicates a serious lack of sense, since having some experience with them, we assume they're all carrying knives or worse. The fact that the kitchen worker took on both Temple and his former softball-playing girlfriend only confirms our two rules of working in a restaurant.

But good for them fighting as a loving pair. The couple that boot-parties together, stays together. Take 2 Fulmer Cup points, Missouri, one for the assault charge, and one for getting into a fight over defrosted deep fried somethings.