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SANCHEZ!!!!

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Insufficient evidence has Mark Sanchez off the hook on sexual assault charges. (Yes, break out the "he got off twice" jokes.) (HT: Jan.) The effects of the dismissal spread far and wide:

1. USC has a slightly more stable quarterback situation going into the season. This can only be good, since USC's optimal record following Dynastic Peak (oh, somewhere around September 2005) meant that they could only finish at 9-3 this year.* Sanchez's potential loss left John David Booty and his shaky back at starter, meaning a potential sub-optimal performance for the Trojans. Sanchez and Booty are now free to learn on the job and yet still disappoint irrational USC fans bent on willing their young team to perpetual national championships, leading all the way to the eventual 9-3 finish all reloading/declining dynasties enjoy.

2. USC will now lose points in the Fulmer Cup--all of them, if memory serves us correctly, since Sanchez was the lone traceable now non-offender in the bunch for USC this offseason. (Reggie Bush, as tantalizingly almost-connected as the case was, did not qualify for the Cup with his real estate coup.)

3. We now have yet another excuse to ref our favorite mediocre Bond flick, Licence to Kill.


He get away again. DAMN YOU SANCHEZ!!! (shakes fist at sky...)

*A matter of Biblical truth. Do not even attempt to dispute this with mad things like "numbers."