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IOWA PLAYERS: SWIMMING IN AN ILLICIT POOL OF CASH

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Well, actually no--but they might have taken cell phone bennies from a local cell provider! Isn't that risque enough for you? Listen, we know we're all hankering for some explosive, Oklahoma '84 style expose to come along...but in the mean time, someone's been giving the Hawkeyes cell phones. CELL PHONES, WE TELL YOU! We all know they're a gateway drug for larger, more elaborate forms of outlandish communication equipment. We've got to nip this in the bud before meth-hopped Iowans are the first thing our alien overlords hear...(HT: MiamiHawkTalk.)

Oh, it starts with cell phones. It ends with the VLA--and who wants that in their backyard?