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TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE: THE CFCAT HAS BEGUN

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Paul over at GeorgiaSports sorta, kinda puts together what may be called a history of Gator Football. We say sorta because it resembles history in the way that this entire website resembles "writing," or "reporting," or "proper use of one's time." With that, it does contain some quality guffaws, including this important date in UF history:

1879 - Invention of the Airbrush. Revolutionizes North Florida art and tourism industries. While many people consider Panama City to be the "Beating Heart of the Airbrush Industry," true airbrush historians know that the University of Florida's School of Airbrush Design lead the charge in this field. Today, it is a mainstay of Gator Athletics as anyone who's anyone is airbrushing a Gator onto key game day attire.

What he means to say is this, presented here in old-school SAT analogy style:

AIRBRUSH: Florida Gator as _________: Georgia Bulldog:

A.) "Bedazzled" Sweatshirts for women
B.) Mustache (not a bad thing!)
C.) Visible blond roots
D.) Creased ball cap over "kinda long" hair
E.) All of the above, en masse.

There's no one scientific way to settle this. Take Google Image search, which for us is as good as any place to start to define what words are associated with certain images. Type in "GATOR FAN," and after the obligatory fan guide image the second thing you'll see is this guy:

Here we go tapeworm, here we go!

This guy looks a lot like our freshman year roommate, a guy so skinny we called him "AIDS" behind his back. Not a flattering pic, but contrast this with the second result you get when searching "UGA Fan" (SFW, though it may haunt your dreams for years to come):


And we thought Roger Clinton was an Arkansas fan.

The comparison doesn't quite cut to the heart of the matter here. This got us to thinking--a rare, rare thing-- about our own football SAT of sorts, to test what the limits of our own fan and team knowledge was in the context of analogies. We didn't really nail what we wanted to pin down about the Georgia fanbase in that question--"GWINNETT" would sum it all up in one tidy word, but that means little to anyone not in the gravitational pull of the 404 area. So we'll try our luck with our own tribute to the now defunct analogies section of the SAT, the EDSBS CFCAT (Collegiate Fanbase Cliche Aptitude Test.)

1. MARYLAND: Terrapin as WEST VIRGINIA:___________

A.) Burning Couch
B.) Tear Gassed Mob
C.) The Mountaineer
D.) Bag of piss thrown from top row approaching terminal velocity
E.) All of the above

2. OHIO STATE: "Hang On Sloopy" as BYU: _______

A.) "MMMBop."
B.) "MMMBop"
C.) "MMMBop"
D.) "MMMBop"
E.) All of the above

3. TENNESSEE: obesity as _____:______

A.) Angola: landmine
B.) Botswana: AIDS
C.) Georgia: low SAT scores
D.) Florida: Flowbee ownership
E.) All of the above

4. Alabama fans: "Roll Tide" as Texas Tech fans: ______

A.) YARRR!!!
B.) AVAST!!!
C.) D-what? (clap clap) D-what? (clap clap)
D.) YOUR WENCHES AND YOUR BEST GROG, LADDIE!!!
E.) All of the above.

5. Auburn fans: Evan Williams as Florida fans:

A.) Miller High Life
B.) Windex
C.) Everclear jello shooters
D.) That 27-year old bottle of Galliano in the back of the liquor cabinet
E.) All of the above. At once. NOW--seriously, our hands are shaking.

6. UNC fans: Saab as Georgia Fans:______

A.) New Ford F150
B.) New Ford F150 with pipes
C.) New Ford F150 with pipes and Bass Pro Shops sticker
D.) New Ford F150 with pipes, Bass Pro Shops sticker, and shiny new tool box
E.) All of the above.

7. Ole Miss: sundress as LSU: ______

A.) Naked
B.) A twelve-foot long live boa constrictor
C.) Special gameday "voodoo panties" and pasties.
D.) Crawfish bikini
E. ) All of the above.

8. Stanford/Cal: chardonnay and sea bass as FSU/Miami: ______

A.) Zima and Beef Jerky
B.) Busch Lite and empanadas
C.) Jack and coke and...um, coke
D.) Applebee's takeout and whatever Uncle Julio caught in the canal behind his house in Dania yesterday (cuttlefish? octopus? the timing belt from a '92 Plymouth Sundance?)
E.) All of the above

9. Texas '05: "Victory" as Illinois '05: _______.

A.) "Mr. Wrong"
B.) "Flirting With Disaster"
C.) "The Jerk"
D.) "La Grande Illusion"
E.) All of the above

10. Ann Arbor, MI: overcast, 38 degrees as Lansing, MI:______

A.) Falling ash, -19 degrees
B.) Scattered vagrants, 28 degrees
C.) Heavy nailstorms and wind, 3 degrees
D.) Sheet metal lighting with brimstone showers, 5 degrees.
E.) All of the above