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JAY CUTLER: HOTTZ0RS

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Matt Leinart? So '04. Reggie Bush? Please, we were big on him when we had an IPod Mini. We're so into the Nano now, and the Nano equivalent would be Jay Cutler, who's apparently not seen the end of his pre-draft boomlet. This year's Alex Smith seeks to make jillions from NFL execs with his Senior Bowl workout heroics, which were enough to obscure his mediocre Senior Bowl performance. When the New York Post is writing about you like you're Lindsey Lohan, it's time to secure the services of a licensed financial advisor pronto.

We Google Image Searched him, though, and we've got one piece of advice for Cutler: back off on the bronzer. It can't help your grip on the ball.

Now we know how he survived four years behind a Vandy line.