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SOOPER GENIOUS UPDATE: BARNETT GETS OFFER FROM CU!

Gary Barnett, amateur slushfundafarian, feminist, and erstwhile football coach, finally gets an offer on a contract extension from the University of Colorado. The timing couldn't be better: following an offseason of turmoil, including rumbles of a grand jury investigation, ugly leaks regarding Barnett's unreported income from football camps, the conviction of a program assistant on solicitation charges in connection with providing recruits with prostitutes, and the ever-present specter of Barnett's lackluster record at Colorado...he then loses to Iowa State on Saturday.

Parties are mum on details, but we know what we'd offer Barnett in the way of benefits: a free membership in Western's Smokehouse "Meat of the Month" club and not much else. Health insurance? That's for girls, Gary--and you know how terrible they are...

Who needs full dental and optical when you have a carnival of meat at your disposal?