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In honor of the Cocktail Party: The Top Ten Reasons UF Pwns UGA.

1. Gainesville: A Michael Stipe-free zone.

2. Gators pay lower insurance due to mullets, which lower skin cancer rates and keep hair out of eyes for safe driving; unlike universal UGA frat-boy shag, which hangs in eyes and endangers hapless SUVfuls of trashed and screaming dyed blondes yearly.

3. Actual Florida mascot wins death match with UGA--every freakin' time.

4. Florida: cheer taken from the film Jaws. Georgia: cheer taken from The Arsenio Hall Show.

5. Frequent sideline visitor for Florida: The Nature Boy himself, Rick Flair. Woo!

6. Cheap cocaine keeps UF undergrads lean, sexy, and very, very paranoid.

7. Florida never lost a game to a man named Zook.

8. High percentage of South Florida attendees ensures "active student participation" in creating a secure UF campus. Resulting bullet holes make excellent work-study opportunities for Building Con. majors.

9. Low average participation in Greek system at Florida ensures that embarassing, drunken homosexual experimentation will be free and most likely not conducted in front of twenty "friends."

10. Darrell Hammond: UF graduate. Debra Norville: UGA grad.